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When I started Social-Engineer, I just left a company that was amazing. It was like a family. The pain of leaving was real for me and like all family separation, it wasn't 100% smooth. I was heartbroken to leave but wanted to take every lesson I learned to my new company. I was determined to also take all the good memories with me. Yes, there were mistakes from both sides of the fence but instead of focusing on those, I went away remembering all the great times, life lessons and growth I had gifted to me.
I figured I would grow my company by being a nice man and working hard, and never demanding more from my people than I was willing to give, believing this approach would earn respect and effort in return. I would say things to myself like, "Well, I did this, so they should do that." Or "I am this way, so they should be that way."
And to be honest, it felt real. It felt like it was an honest evaluation.
But... But... But...
I started to have people problems. I am a very strong, direct communicator and although in many ways that is a strength, it can be a weakness in other ways. I often hurt people's feelings. Even though I was very self-aware of this, I still messed up. Now this is odd to admit out loud for a company that basically focuses on helping dozens of companies make huge changes.
I went to see a psychologist. Natasha actively listened to all I said and then every now and then presented a thought as a question or a mild statement. She wanted to challenge me to change, challenge me to expand my thoughts. I was in my session with Natasha and I was saying things like this:
"I gave this person tens of thousands of dollars in a raise in one year, they should be more appreciative."
"I have a great salary, benefits and support package, this person should have been more thankful."
Natasha stopped me and said, "Well, you just SHOULD all over yourself, didn't you? Did you pay for devotion? Did you pay for honor? Did you pay for appreciation?"
The sad answer was NO.
"You want to see the change that you so desire — then be the change," Natasha said. She then mentioned Bruce Lee, who said "Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle... Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend."
I know what I should do. Will you join me?
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